Today I need to interrupt our normally scheduled content to share an important announcement. In a recent conversation with a friend, I was made aware that she was living a lie. She believed Kim Crawford was a woman. I feel compelled to take you back to the day that I too realized I was living a lie.
It was a Saturday in November of 2020. I made the coffee and I scrambled eggs for my little guys when they woke up. I sat down to do my devotions but got distracted by Instagram…typical. As I was scanning the Gram, I came across startling news about a friend of mine, a friend I’ve known for years. She’s someone I will meet on a patio on a summer evening. She’s joined me countless times on a sunny day on the pontoon. Over the years, I’ve swooned over her God-given gift of winemaking. She’s a tall, blond, talented, and successful business woman. She’s a staple of my summer memories. Of course, you’ve probably guessed, I’m talking about one of my best friends Kim Crawford…the wine maker.
Here’s where things get weird. Instagram informed me that Kim Crawford is a man…GASP. What in the world? As it turns out, my girlfriend Kim is an actual man. This isn’t new, he’s always been a man. He has a five-o’clock shadow and hairy arms – I couldn’t confirm any other physical traits.
My world was turned upside down. What I was so certain about was actually a belief I created and held on to but was never actually accurate. Kim Crawford, the celebrated female winemaker and coincidentally a very close friend (please don’t be envious), doesn’t exist. But Kim Crawford, the celebrated male winemaker does – he’s alive and very well it seems.
It’s a silly story but it made me think about other beliefs I have held on to that aren’t accurate at all. Our brains are so crazy strong. Kim was a real woman to me. I literally conjured up what she looked like. What we think about becomes real to us. Have you ever caught yourself thinking something into reality? We usually aren’t taking the time to think potential positive outcomes into reality (note to self to start!). Unfortunately, we usually are allowing the negative what-if thoughts to swirl and grow. We also allow this to happen by default. Beliefs are projected on us, and we don’t take the time to challenge them and rewrite the story.
My challenge to you and me today is to think about beliefs you hold that just aren’t true. I set a timer for five minutes to think through some of the thoughts I’ve struggled with over the years that simply aren’t true.
- I can’t be a great mom and excellent professional at the same time.
- I need alcohol to dance.
- I can’t be healthy and eat treats. I can’t trust myself to eat in moderation.
- Only men can be President.
- Financial success will only come when I’m incessantly hustling.
- I’m an excellent singer. OK, this still isn’t true. Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.
- I can’t influence my professional results as much as I want to.
- My worth is tied to my results and my physical appearance.
- Women and men need to have set gender roles in the home.
- I can’t love Jesus and gangster rap.
- I’m not a good mom if I’m prioritizing my needs.
- Men can’t resist their sexual urges. The sexual harassment and assault I’ve been a victim of is my fault. It’s my responsibility to be modest and to protect them from themselves.
- I can’t be a good steward of my finances and spend money on nice things.
Each one of these things is a lie that I’ve told myself enough times that I started to believe them or a lie that was projected on me. What if I slowed down to rewrite the stories enough times until I believed them?
- I can be an excellent mom and be an excellent professional at the same time.
- I am a great dancer because I have fun whenever I dance.
- I am healthy. I can trust myself with food.
- All genders deserve to have a seat at every table, especially at the Presidential table.
- I can be successful and I can live according to my values. Hustling is not one of my values.
- I enjoy singing. Ha – this one is cracking me up. I don’t know how to make it true that I’m a good singer.
- I have the most influence on my results. I will spend time at work doing things that will influence or control my professional results or the results of the people I lead.
- I am worthy to be loved and to love others before I offer any results to the world.
- Women and men have unique gifts and services to offer the family, we don’t need to adopt gendered roles unless those roles work for us.
- I can love Jesus and be ‘Big Pimpin.’ If you don’t know the song, you may want to look it up now, just trust me on this one. Jay-Z, if you’re reading this, I love your music and Jesus.
- I’m a good mom when I’m prioritizing my needs.
- Men and women must both own the practice of consent. I am responsible for only myself.
- I am a good steward of my finances when I’m living in balance, spending, savings and giving.
If I spent more time on this, I could uncover a lot more lies that I believed by accident that just aren’t true. Kim Crawford is a man. I’m a good mom and a kick-ass business woman. They aren’t mutually exclusive. They can occur at the same time.
If there is an area of your life or business where you are finding yourself stuck. Check into the beliefs you are accidentally believing. Rewrite the story. Retell yourself the new story every day. Guess what, you’ll start believing your new story. Your crazy strong brain will start to make it true. Today, when someone brings up my friend Kim Crawford, all I can picture is her five-o’clock shadow and hairy arms. I fully believe and know that Kim Crawford is a man. See how I did that?
If you’re stuck in an area of your life or one of your values, take time to think through the stories you’re telling yourself. Challenge them, rewrite them and start believing the new stories. If you are a parent, challenge the stories your children are believing.
In this next week, who is a woman (or person) that needs you to encourage her to think differently about the stories she’s believing? Can you challenge her lovingly so she can step into exactly who she was created to be? Maybe you’ve successfully walked through this and can just be someone’s biggest cheerleader. If this is you, you’re a woman in position to help another woman! This is great news. Just go ahead and pick up the dang phone to EncourageHer. You are amazing!
EncourageHer Leader’s Corner: I have learned that many of the people that read this blog are people leaders, leaders of leaders, or entrepreneurial leaders in their own businesses or organizations. As a result, I want to provide some context for you specifically as you step into your leadership.
As a leader or business owner, you have a unique view of the people you lead and the challenges they face. You also hold the power to rewrite your vision and what you and your team believes is possible. You can reframe how your team thinks about the challenges they face. Instead of focusing on the problem, can you retell the story so that you and your team start spending the energy and brain power to make the new vision come to life? Remember, our brains are so crazy powerful, our brains will work behind the scenes to make the vision/story we repeat come true.
If you need help or a partner in this area of your business, please reach out to me to learn more about the work that I do as a coach.
I see you. I love you. I’m cheering you on!
Photo Credit: Tasha Herrgott at Red Bird Hills Photography